A few months ago, I was purchasing groceries, along with some Frontline for my tiny, flea-ridden dog at Meijer. I was broke, and I was making only necessary purchases. The dog meds more than doubled the cost of my food, and I really didn't want to spend the money. As usual, I had chosen a self-check line so that I could competently sack my groceries in the bag I brought myself. As I placed the expensive item on the belt, I noticed how little it weighed.
Less than a pack of playing cards
a pack of cigarettes
a pack of gum.
About the same weight, in fact, as the bag of lettuce I was getting ready to scan. I could easily pick up both items and fool the machine into "thinking" I had just scanned lettuce alone. I contemplated stealing for a few seconds.
And then I rung up the Frontline, almost $50 worth of pesticides, for the comfort of a dog who has outlived his novelty.
Now, I don't claim that one choice proves that I have morals, but it does occur in a long line of right decisions. What is morality if not doing the right thing when the risk of consequences is mild? What is conviction if it is not knowing within oneself that an action is good to the extent of bettering other opposing options?
Thursday, May 13
Sunday, May 9
Happy Mothers' Day!
I'm responding to an article on Salon.com and its associated comments.
Why I hate Mother's Day by Anne Lamott
Ms. Lamott is an amazing writer who succeeds at her job because her words inspire reflection and consideration. In this article, she explains how not all mothers are created equal, how commercially artificial the holiday has become, and how powerful, childless women are degraded by all Mother's Day hype. And finally, Ms. Lamott explains how this most ordinary, primal role of humanity has been one of the most rewarding and transformative ones of her life.
Hmmmm... I encourage you to read the article for yourselves in case I have summarized incompletely. My description seems to leave several holes, and I'm not sure whether they exist naturally in the rant-called-social-commentary or whether I need to brush up on my reading comprehension skills.
My initial reaction as a woman and a feminist is, right on! The subtitle is brilliant: It celebrates the great lie about women: That those with children are more important than those without. All women are born with the same capability for greatness and for impacting this world positively. Mothers simply have a more constant and accessible link to the next generation. The article, however, goes on to dissect the celebration of motherhood as a mindless tradition carried out by people whose own mothers did not teach them well enough to think critically.
Posh!
Because I want to spare space in this post and because I want to maintain focus, I will summarize some applicable history...
First, I had a strained relationship with my mother and often thought I would have been better off had I been raised by wolves.
Second, I struggled with fertility and the fear that I would never have children, even though I desperately wanted them.
Third, I have enjoyed the opportunity to share my life with my two biological children. With the birth of my first child came postpartum depression that threatened my marriage and my livelihood, though luckily not my child's nor my own safety.
My ideas of a romanticized motherhood were pretty much shot within the first hour of my life. I never imagined, nor have I experienced a Madonna-like channeling of maternal emotions that make me feel super human. When other mothers claim to bask in the light of the next god-child, I feel sick. But I never say so. No, that would be rude.
It would be rude for another woman, childless or not, to disparage my relationship with my own children and my concept of myself. It would be crass for a person, uterine-challenged or not, to criticize my level of interaction with my offspring or my progenitors. It would be downright mean for an author, published or not, to assert that a holiday intended to honor and celebrate all that is good in motherhood be criticized because all that is motherhood is not good.
In short, we do not diminish one person's worth by celebrating the life of another.
So your mom was not June Cleaver? Don't tell me that I can't be happy about my mother.
So you can't have kids? Don't equate my experience to having a bowel movement.
So you don't like commercialism? Don't imply that gifts trivialize my existence.
There is much to celebrate in the world today. In the hearts of women, mothers and childless, young and old, single and married, conventional and cooky, there is unfathomable compassion and patience. Perhaps a greater message would be that on this day and all days, we should give thanks to the people in our lives who have played a maternal role. If we have the joy and privilege of mothering another human being, we should expect and bask in the appreciation we receive, and regardless of our role, we should always be at the ready to lighten the load of another.
Happy Mothers' Day. Yes it was, yes it was, yes it was.
Why I hate Mother's Day by Anne Lamott
Ms. Lamott is an amazing writer who succeeds at her job because her words inspire reflection and consideration. In this article, she explains how not all mothers are created equal, how commercially artificial the holiday has become, and how powerful, childless women are degraded by all Mother's Day hype. And finally, Ms. Lamott explains how this most ordinary, primal role of humanity has been one of the most rewarding and transformative ones of her life.
Hmmmm... I encourage you to read the article for yourselves in case I have summarized incompletely. My description seems to leave several holes, and I'm not sure whether they exist naturally in the rant-called-social-commentary or whether I need to brush up on my reading comprehension skills.
My initial reaction as a woman and a feminist is, right on! The subtitle is brilliant: It celebrates the great lie about women: That those with children are more important than those without. All women are born with the same capability for greatness and for impacting this world positively. Mothers simply have a more constant and accessible link to the next generation. The article, however, goes on to dissect the celebration of motherhood as a mindless tradition carried out by people whose own mothers did not teach them well enough to think critically.
Posh!
Because I want to spare space in this post and because I want to maintain focus, I will summarize some applicable history...
First, I had a strained relationship with my mother and often thought I would have been better off had I been raised by wolves.
Second, I struggled with fertility and the fear that I would never have children, even though I desperately wanted them.
Third, I have enjoyed the opportunity to share my life with my two biological children. With the birth of my first child came postpartum depression that threatened my marriage and my livelihood, though luckily not my child's nor my own safety.
My ideas of a romanticized motherhood were pretty much shot within the first hour of my life. I never imagined, nor have I experienced a Madonna-like channeling of maternal emotions that make me feel super human. When other mothers claim to bask in the light of the next god-child, I feel sick. But I never say so. No, that would be rude.
It would be rude for another woman, childless or not, to disparage my relationship with my own children and my concept of myself. It would be crass for a person, uterine-challenged or not, to criticize my level of interaction with my offspring or my progenitors. It would be downright mean for an author, published or not, to assert that a holiday intended to honor and celebrate all that is good in motherhood be criticized because all that is motherhood is not good.
In short, we do not diminish one person's worth by celebrating the life of another.
So your mom was not June Cleaver? Don't tell me that I can't be happy about my mother.
So you can't have kids? Don't equate my experience to having a bowel movement.
So you don't like commercialism? Don't imply that gifts trivialize my existence.
There is much to celebrate in the world today. In the hearts of women, mothers and childless, young and old, single and married, conventional and cooky, there is unfathomable compassion and patience. Perhaps a greater message would be that on this day and all days, we should give thanks to the people in our lives who have played a maternal role. If we have the joy and privilege of mothering another human being, we should expect and bask in the appreciation we receive, and regardless of our role, we should always be at the ready to lighten the load of another.
Happy Mothers' Day. Yes it was, yes it was, yes it was.
Saturday, May 8
#1: I am a good, nice person
I like people, and many people like me. I feel like humanity is generally good, and most people appreciate doing good things for themselves and others. Most people do not intentionally wish to inflict harm on themselves or others. Most people even try to avoid hurting others in their own quest to live.
A fundamental truth to my universe is that people are good. I realize that evil exists, and it saddens me. However, the existence of evil does not erase or diminish the existence of good. It is the duty and joy of good, nice people to proclaim the intense beauty of humanity in the face of the nay-saying evil spreaders.
A fundamental truth to my universe is that people are good. I realize that evil exists, and it saddens me. However, the existence of evil does not erase or diminish the existence of good. It is the duty and joy of good, nice people to proclaim the intense beauty of humanity in the face of the nay-saying evil spreaders.
Friday, May 7
Starting all over again...
I'm wired. I have several email accounts, Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, blah blah. In each of these virtual worlds, I feel the need to censor myself because I'm in "polite company." Here, I have some expectation of anonymity and therefore no need to hold back. Over the past few months, I have felt an information constipation as I bit my tongue and splinted my fingers to avoid offending my "virtual friends." This blog is a relatively safe space for me to let it all out, so I'm starting it up all over again. A few points:
- I am a good, nice person.
- I have morals and convictions.
- I am extremely politically liberal.
- I have no church affiliation and find religion to be distasteful.
- The Tea Party movement and Sarah Palin anger me in many ways.
- Anti-Obama rhetoric disgusts me with its ignorance and hatred.
- Healthcare reform is good, necessary, and noble.
- We are a nation of immigrants, and the mandate for racial profiling in Arizona is racist and misplaced.
- Education reform is necessary, but it needs to start at home, not the schools.
- Fear and hate-based discussions have taken off since the 2008 election, and I vow to use this forum in counter-conversation.
Friday, February 6
Waiting no more...
Baby A was born at 12:21 PM on Monday.
She weighed 6 lbs, 14 oz, and she is 20 1/2 inches long.
Mother and baby are still recovering and trying to figure out how to work together. We're elatedly exhausted!
Sunday, February 1
Baby Watch 2009: Bonus Day One
To extend the vacation metaphor just a bit, today is like getting to the airport to find all flights out of paradise have been canceled. I'm packed, I have no hotel room, I'm at the airport, I paid for the flight, and it's inconvenient all around. Still, I'm in paradise. I can sit back, kick up my heels, and have every excuse to be lazy, calm, and relaxed for as long as it takes for those planes to start moving again.
Of course, planes out of paradise usually fly in fair weather, so I'd likely be dealing with a doozie of a hurricane or some threat of terrorism. Luckily the conditions in my womb are quite a bit more sunny, which I believe may be encouraging little one to stay put. I can only hope that she will soon realize that life out here is paradise, too. It will be so even more when she joins us.
Of course, planes out of paradise usually fly in fair weather, so I'd likely be dealing with a doozie of a hurricane or some threat of terrorism. Luckily the conditions in my womb are quite a bit more sunny, which I believe may be encouraging little one to stay put. I can only hope that she will soon realize that life out here is paradise, too. It will be so even more when she joins us.
Saturday, January 31
Baby Watch 2009: Day Zero
D-day...due date...the final countdown...the big day has come and almost gone without fanfare or screaming, sweat or tears. Yes, I'm still pregnant and have to figure out some way to count back up from zero starting tomorrow. Perhaps my darling daughter will come in the night and save me the trouble?
I am finished. I have completed an entire pregnancy-a whole gestation. I feel a sense of accomplishment in making it all the way through with a healthy mom and baby. As an impatient person, I rarely see things through to the end. Today, I can say with pride that I did not bail out early. (In all fairness, had I any choice in the matter, I would have ended this journey WEEKS ago.) Still, I went the long haul and am going to take credit for maintaining my sanity, at least.
The thing I like today about being pregnant is the quiet. She may let me know that she's still here with her twisting and turning, but there is no noise. I can enjoy television, reading, relaxation, and sleep in utter silence if I choose...for now.
I am finished. I have completed an entire pregnancy-a whole gestation. I feel a sense of accomplishment in making it all the way through with a healthy mom and baby. As an impatient person, I rarely see things through to the end. Today, I can say with pride that I did not bail out early. (In all fairness, had I any choice in the matter, I would have ended this journey WEEKS ago.) Still, I went the long haul and am going to take credit for maintaining my sanity, at least.
The thing I like today about being pregnant is the quiet. She may let me know that she's still here with her twisting and turning, but there is no noise. I can enjoy television, reading, relaxation, and sleep in utter silence if I choose...for now.
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